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5 Ways to Procrastinate More Effectively

By November 9, 2015 No Comments

Does your brain ever nag you about that thing you “should be doing” when you are actually quite enjoying the sound of virtual seagulls while surfing in the web? Never fear, you live in the internet age. With these 5 easy steps, learn to procrastinate at will. And once you get started, it only gets easier.


1. Open Facebook

Open a new tab and type in www.facebook.com into your web browser. You may not actually enjoy seeing the countless memes and selfies during your hourly checking of Facebook, but check it anyway.

EXPERT TIP: Check Facebook even when you don’t want to. You might miss something culturally important if you don’t.


2. Share something on Facebook

Now that you have Facebook open, you’ve opened the door for procrastination! Close your brain and let procrastination into your gut. Click the Share Status button and type in an insightful observation about life. Then click Share. You will improve your friends’ lives, and they will thank you forever. Not to mention your brain, who will also thank you for the time well spent.

REMEMBER: Every word you write online is uploaded into the cloud of human consciousness, so this post is contributing to the Greater Good of Humanity.

Your posts are also being read by robots which will help them learn human thought patterns and take over the world.


3. Find a Buzfeed Test to Take to learn Valuable Insights about Your Personality

Scroll through your Facebook feed until you come across a Buzfeed test, for example “What Frozen Character Are You?” This shouldn’t take long. Once you find one, click on the link and answer the questions about what type of food you like and what your favorite color is.

Think hard and long about your answers, as you don’t want to throw the test. Once you have answered all the questions, you will be sorted into one of five results.

I got Elsa! I’m so happy, I love her! That explains my life. Let It Go is my life’s theme song. Whenever people place expectations on me, like working, I remember the song. Let go of their expectations and go with the flow. You know what’s best for you, deep down.

Remember your result, as it will give you great insight into your personality and the way your mind works.

4. Rewrite all your Social Media Bios

Now that you have learned something new about yourself, it’s time to update your social media bios. Don’t forget to have to have a common theme between them, but don’t forget to consider the different mediums.

  • Facebook bios can be longer and more in-depth and should include allusions to all your favorite tv shows.
  • Twitter profiles are shorter, so you will only have room to list two favorite tv shows.
  • Instagram bios are the shortest of all (maybe the thousands of uploaded food shots take up so much file space there isn’t much room left for text), so you’ll only be able to pick your Most Favorite Of All Time tv show.

EXPERT TIP: Don’t make a hasty decision, but really think about what tv show has impacted your life enough. This is the one show you would bring into prison and watch over and over again till you are set free.


5. Finally Watch That YouTube Video Everyone is Talking About

Go to www.YouTube.com and watch the current viral video. It might only be popular for 53 hours, so press play now before it becomes un-cool.

Once viral videos summit the mountain of popularity, they fall off the cliff on the other side and break into as many pieces as they have views.

Most likely the video will involve dancing, so after you watch it, pull your living room shades and open up www.youtuberepeat.com. Dance along with the song until you have learned it perfectly, then open up the blinds so the street traffic can appreciate your wonderful moves.

This list is only one slice of pepperoni on the extra-large meatlover’s pizza of procrastination. But it should be enough to get you started. Class 101 of How to Fulfill Technology’s True Purpose if you will.

So what are you waiting for? Go get started! Open up Facebook, trip, and slowly fall down the wonderfully unproductive rabbit hole of the internet. You will gain momentum as you fall, just make sure not to bash your head against the edge.